The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppression

 When I was in college, being gay was not something that was discussed.  It was hidden.  It was almost like gay men had a disease of sorts.  I think that until I came face to face with the concept of being gay, I was close minded too; I did not understand this sexual choice.  I still don’t, but it doesn’t matter; I respect it.

In college, I became best friends with a singer, musician.  He lived in Las Vegas, and I visited on weekends.  I stayed at his house, played with his dogs, and ate his delicious cooking; I went to his shows and enjoyed his music.  We went to movies, shows, and just hung out.  I had no idea what-so-ever that he was gay.  When he finally told me, I had a decision to make.  In addition to being shocked, I questioned my association with a “gay” individual.  We talked opening about our feelings; we were both honest.  Either I accept him for who he is, or I lose one of the best friends ever.   His being gay did not change who he was; how could I be so biased?  Obviously, I accepted him, and we are still friends to this day.

However, not all of friends were so accepting.  One weekend, my friend and his partner were staying at my house.  We were going to Disneyland on Saturday with a group of my friends.  I remember it well, because I was celebrating my 21^st birthday.  There were quite a few of my college buddies, none of whom knew that my friend was gay.  It just did not matter. 

 

We met my friends at the entrance to the park.  I introduced all of my friends, and everything was wonderful.  I was so happy to be surrounded by so many awesome friends.  Then, out of the blue, my friend, Katie, told me that she figured out that my Vegas friend was gay, and she wanted to know what I was going to do about it.  I had no clue what I was to do about it.  I flipped out a bit, explaining that my “Vegas friend” had a name.  She acted as if these individuals were off limit, and without a doubt, she was uncomfortable.  I could not believe it, and to this day, I still am in disbelief that this happened.  Katie ended up leaving the park without any explanation to anyone; we had no idea (and still don’t) how she got home.  I never spoke to her again; I saw her around campus, but that was that.  There were no harsh words; she just did not want to be my friend (or hang out with my crowd) if I had a gay friend (or if they accepted my friend).

 

Remembering this gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes.  She missed out, though, not me.  I am just thankful I was able to accept my friend’s sexuality and embrace it.  Now, many, many, many, many years later, I still adore this individual; he is like a big brother to me… he is my son’s godfather… and I just wish we lived closer.  He’s gay, and I’m not; who cares? 

 

 

 

 

We met my friends at the entrance to the park.  I introduced all of my friends, and everything was wonderful.  I was so happy to be surrounded by so many awesome friends.  Then, out of the blue, my friend, Katie, told me that she figured out that my Vegas friend was gay, and she wanted to know what I was going to do about it.  I had no clue what I was to do about it.  I flipped out a bit, explaining that my “Vegas friend” had a name.  She acted as if these individuals were off limit, and without a doubt, she was uncomfortable.  I could not believe it, and to this day, I still am in disbelief that this happened.  Katie ended up leaving the park without any explanation to anyone; we had no idea (and still don’t) how she got home.  I never spoke to her again; I saw her around campus, but that was that.  There were no harsh words; she just did not want to be my friend (or hang out with my crowd) if I had a gay friend (or if they accepted my friend).

Remembering this gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes.  She missed out, though, not me.  I am just thankful I was able to accept my friend’s sexuality and embrace it.  Now, many, many, many, many years later, I still adore this individual; he is like a big brother to me… he is my son’s godfather… and I just wish we lived closer.  He’s gay, and I’m not; who cares?