Definitely a FANTASTIC Experience

Perhaps, I had a bit of myopia myself when I thought about on-line learning.  I had predetermined ideas.  I knew that on-line learning would be way too impersonal for me.  In some ways, it was an easy way out.

I was totally wrong.  On-line learning is not easy or impersonal.  I have never worked harder for anything in my life; my days were not my own… my life was engrossed in assignment deadlines; I would not change it for the world.  I have learned more about early childhood than I imagined possible.  It has been a whirlwind of emotions.

As far as my colleagues, I have formed a bond with many of you.  With all of my heart, I hope that we do not lose contact.  I understand the inevitable; I know that some of us will drift apart, but in that midst, there will be a few that will remain in my tangled web.  I know that, one day, we will all meet in person; maybe to celebrate this milestone in our life.  It has been a great ride, and I appreciate that you traveled down the road with me.  I couldn’t have picked a better group to learn from; early childhood is lucky to have you amongst them.  I wish you only the best ahead and I hope you will keep in touch.  My personal email is beginningsteps@bellsouth.net

Being Part of a Team

A Very Magical Team

I join groups in conferences all of the time… when I teach at the college, I feel as if I am the leader of a group of students… I was a member of many groups while in college… when I had my son, I joined parenting groups… in Walden, I become a member of a discussion group, which changes with each new course… when I was a preschool director, I was a member of several groups… I am a member of the buddy readers group… I think of myself, in many ways, as a gluten for punishment, because I do not only join groups, I become involved. 

In many ways, high-performing groups really are the hardest for me to leave, probably because my involvement is so intense.  I do not know if having clearly established norms would affect my feelings when I left the group, because if I was not comfortable with norms, I would probably experience limited involvement.  However, without a doubt, the group that I never wanted to leave was my public speaking club at California State University (notice how I said "my" public speaking club!). I was a member of this group for my last two years of college.  The main group objective was competing in speech competitions, so we shared a common goal.  We were together on campus, in the evenings, and on weekends.  When we were not practicing, we were listening to music, talking, or just laughing.  We were not considered a “hip” group at the college; we stayed away from bars and never drank.  We shared birthdays and holidays; we went competed together throughout Florida and elsewhere.  We were there for each other; we listened, and we cared about what everyone in our group thought; we even disagreed, learning from these disagreements.  I remember the night of graduation; although we still communicated for many years afterwards, we were no longer a part of the speech team.  Our relationship was very different.  We were an outsider to the students competing. 

Now, I find it difficult to leave my 40-hour early childhood classes.  At my age, I find this attachment amazing.  I see these students for six weeks, two nights a week or six Saturday’s in a row.  We bond; we respect each other.  We become part of a group; a group of early childhood educators.  I take my responsibility as their teacher very seriously, and I have built some amazing relationships with my students.  When my mom passed away, students came to my house, offering me support and kindness.  During our last class, we shared a pot-luck dinner together before class starts.  Students bring a bit of who they are into this dinner, and their culture in evident in their offerings.  It’s a wonderful ritual to adjourn the group.  For me, adjourning the group in this way is essential for the completion of the group’s purpose. 

I’m certain I will feel a similar feeling after this class.  We formed a team throughout the individual classes, but when we submit assignment number 8, we need to move on, adjourn from this group, and join another group.  Without doing this, we would never move on; we would never obtain our master’s degree.  This class will be the most difficult, because for the most part, we will be going down different paths.  Abudi (2010) stated “adjourning provides the team the opportunity to say good-bye to each other and wish each other luck as they pursue their next endeavor.”  I do have some solace in knowing that I have made some friends that will remain a part of my life forever, and I so look forward to meeting these individuals in person.  Others, I am thankful that they were a part of my group; they have encouraged me, just like group members are supposed to do.  We have listened, shared, disagreed, and grown with each other.  While I know we have to move on, sometimes I wish that we could remain a group forever!

Abudi, G. (2010). The five stages of team development: A case study. Retrieved from http://www.projectsmart.co.uk/the-five-stages-of-team-development-a-case-study.html

I Need Specifics! A Communication Challenge

This is a challenging blog assignment for me.  When I have a disagreement or conflict with someone, it is truly personal, and for the most part, I will bend over backwards to find a compromise or give in.  I do not like conflict.  I take it personally when someone is upset with me, although I am beginning to understand that it is alright if we agree to disagree.  I’ve also come to the reality that I cannot please everyone.

For the conflict that I chose to share, I have changed names… just because you never know who might read this blog.  

Months ago, I scheduled a workshop at a school in Florida.  The contract was signed, sealed, and delivered.  The only thing missing was the location and the amount of participants.  One month prior to the training, I reached out to the supervisor only to find out that a location was still being acquired, and the exact number of teachers would be determined based on the location.  It seemed like we were going in a circle with no end, but I was determined to be patient.  However, at two weeks prior to the workshop, I was informed that nothing has changed; the circle was not opening.

At that point, my patience had run its course.  Without a participant count, I could not prepare my supplies.  A count was critical; the location was not.  After speaking with the supervisor (AKA training director or consultant), I was informed that I need to remain patient, because she was doing the best she could.  Then, she went on to suggest that I plan for 50, and if there were 100, I could just add to the amount of supplies; at least, I was ahead of the game.  This was not a pretty circle anymore, because I began to take it personally, which I understand was not a great choice.  However, I resented her telling me what I need to do for my workshop, especially since so much of my art workshop is hands-on.  It is imperative to have a count; there is a huge difference between 50 and 100. 

To make a long story short, I found out 3 days prior to the workshop that there would be approximately 80 in attendance.  My husband and I crammed during this time to prepare, making certain we had enough materials for the workshop. 

This entire incident was, in fact, a huge learning experience for me, and after taking this course, I understand so much more.  Without a doubt, I needed to suggest a compromise.  I would prepare for a number of participants between 50 and 75, and that would be the cap for the workshop. 

Knowledge of Magda Gerber’s 3 R’s might have added a bit of sugar to this predicament.  This individual and I have built a relationship through a respectful, responsive, and reciprocal relationship.  I have presented numerous times for this group.  As an educator, I pride myself on my workshops, and I understand the huge amount of time needed to prepare.  I was not going to do anything but my best, and unfortunately 3 days prior was not respecting my time; in addition, she was not, in my opinion, responsive to my needs as a speaker. 

As an early childhood communicator, I learned that I need to be open and up-front.  While suggesting a compromise might have worked, I, also, could have been more specific.  I just presumed that the supervisor understood what went into presenting a quality workshop.  I was literally in disbelief that nothing was falling into place, especially with my workshop right around the corner.  Looking back, it would have helped tremendously if I explained the reason for needing a count of participants; this might have encouraged understanding.  Instead I became frustrated, adding to the supervisor’s obvious frustration, and our personalities were adding to the conflict.  This explanation would have built respect, encouraging a responsive answer; this would have gone a long way to build upon our reciprocal relationship! 

(I will add as a PS that I did ask a fellow colleague of mine what she would have done in a similar situation… she sparked up and said, “I would have cancelled!”)

Who am I as a Communicator?




NAEYC SQUISH-SQUASH OPEN-ENDED ART WORKSHOP



This assignment was fun and enlightening all wrapped up in one!  I learned much about myself, primarily from my own answers.  The responses from my husband, Stan, and my friend, Brett, were quite similar to my own.  The biggest difference, and it is only by one point, was on the Verbal Aggressiveness Scale, they scored me in the moderate category, and I placed myself in the significant category.  I believe that, at times, I cross the line, especially when I am passionate about something.  Perhaps, it is a good thing that others do not feel the same way about me as a communicator.  I certainly hope to attack facts, rather than the person. 

While reading the questions, my mind went in a million different directions.  I was forced to evaluate my own communication skills.  This is my first big ah-ha moment.  I learned that, following each workshop or class, I need to step back and openly evaluate my presentation.  I always ask Stan what he thought of a workshop.  In spite of the fact that he is extremely prejudiced in my favor, I have found him to be honest and up-front in his responses.  I have learned a lot from his perceptions of my workshops.  However, I somewhat understand the importance of looking at my workshops from my own perspective as both a communicator and an early childhood professional.  If I can learn to do this objectively, I will be able to learn from each communication situation that I am involved in.

The next insight that I gained is that I view my ability to communicate differently depending on the situation.  Prior to this activity, I just thought that I never felt uneasy talking or sharing ideas.  Yet, after thinking about the situations presented, I am more at ease speaking as a presenter, rather than an intimate situation with a few people.  I found this extremely interesting.  I feel less at ease in a small group situation, where I do not know most of the people.  When I mentioned this to Stan and Brett, they did not agree; in spite this, it is true!  For some reason, I feel that I am able to reach everyone in a large group, rather than a small group.  This sounds contradictory, and yet, the more I think about it, the more reality it has for me. 

Communicating Among Different Groups & Cultures

During our prior class, I have come to the realization that, growing up, I was sheltered from diversity.  For me, I find it interesting to reflect on cultural diversity, from a different perspective.

Two years ago, I became a reading partner, and I was assigned a school in my area.  I actually requested this particular school, because I knew many of the teachers; they had attended my workshops.  My excitement dwindled quickly, as I was faced with my own culture shock.  Probably, for the first time in my life, being Caucasian equated to the minority.  In this school, I would say that 95% of the staff and students are African American, Hispanic, or Haitian.  Whether it was realistic or not, I felt that everyone (and I mean everyone!) was staring at me. 

When I entered the classroom, the teachers were speaking English and Spanish.  I noticed that the teachers spoke Spanish amongst themselves, hoping that the children did not understand what they were saying.  I will never forget one time when a teacher told another teacher, right in front of me, don’t forget that Miss Lois doesn’t understand us.  I will never forget those words… what did they mean?  Did it mean that I do not understand the language or the person?  I felt very alienated and upset.  I tended to do my job, rather than confronting a teacher, even with a question.

Looking back, there are several strategies that could have been employed immediately, eliminating the feeling of uneasiness.  Beebe, Beebe, and Richmond (2011) stated “we communicate effectively and appropriately when we can connect to others based on what we hold in common” (p. 103).  In spite of our differences, we shared a mutual connection based on the students in this school.  We were both working to make a difference in the lives of these young children.  “With regard to cultural differences, to be mindful is to acknowledge that there is a connection between thoughts and deeds when you interact with a person’s background different from your own” (Beebe, et al., 2011, p. 103).  Perhaps, instead of limiting my conversation, it would have been beneficial to extend my conversation, talking about the children and the activities that we would be sharing.  I could have questioned the teachers on what they were doing in the classroom, so collectively, we could bring the two programs together.  This is what ultimately has occurred, but it took almost a year.

In addition, every time that I went into the classroom, I felt like the teachers were talking down to me, demonstrating no respect.  There was never a smile or a “good morning.”  It was like they knew what I wanted, so they just told the child to go with me.  According to Beebe, et al. (2011), “people hold stereotypical views of others based on other’s perceived age.  Older adults don’t like to patronized and younger people value social support, empathetic listening, and being mentored” (p. 91).  Looking back, I tend to agree with this.  Perhaps, the younger teachers were inhibited or uncomfortable with the fact that I was older and more experienced than they are.  Once I began to share activities with them, they began to open up to me.  Now, in many ways, I have become a mentor.  Again, if, at the beginning, I would have shared with the teachers encouraging their participation in our reading program, they would have been involved from the beginning; instead, the alienation continued.

Finally, this job and our last class, has taught me the importance of empathizing with others.  I was self-focused on fitting in.  Vuckovic (2008) stated “it is difficult to gather information about the other person is we are consumed with thoughts of ourselves; we need to accept that there are differences between individuals and cultures” (p. 53).  Ultimately, I stepped back and looked at life in the teachers’ lives and classrooms through their eyes, rather than my own perspectives.  I was able to empathize with their challenges and celebrate their accomplishments.  My viewpoint was no longer marginalized.

Working in this amazing environment has taught me so much about the reality of the world.  I have learned to respect the cultures of others.  I understand the importance of valuing this diversity.  None of this, however, would not have been accomplished without advancing my communication skills, and at the same time, the communication skills of the staff.

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon. 

Vuckovic, A. (2008). Inter-cultural communication: A foundation of communicative action. Multicultural Education and Technology Journal, 2(1), 47–59.

Communicating, With and Without Sound

  

My son was quite willing to give me a video of one of his favorite television series, Community.  I had never heard of the television show, Community, so the impact of this assignment was quite intense.  The episode that I watched was the show’s pilot.  Initially, when I watched the episode without sound, I believed that I knew exactly what was happening.  The show’s plot was easy to follow.  The problem, obviously, was that my interpretation of what was happening (without sound) was totally different from the show’s writers. 

I made quite a few assumptions, none of which were correct.  First of all, I had determined that Jeff, Pierce, and Shirley were teachers at the school; they were older and dressed professionally.  When they were sitting at a table with younger students, I made the assumption that the teachers were helping their students.  However, all of the individuals, who joined together in a study group, were students.  Some of the older individual had been in school previously, but for whatever reason, they were all students at this college. 

At one point, Jeff (a suspended lawyer who lied about having a college degree) went into Dunkin’s office.  Dunkin was sitting behind a desk in his office, and he obviously knew Jeff.  I supposed that they were two teachers talking.  Instead, Jeff actually represented Dunkin in a law case, and he wanted Dunkin’s assistance in passing college.  

It was, however, obvious that Jeff was interested in Britta (Brit), who was a 28 year old in his Spanish class.   As I watched the show without sound, I was unaware that Brit and Jeff knew each other; I thought they were meeting for the first time.    In addition, it was interesting to watch the characters interact in their study group, seated around a long table; of course, I was not even aware that they were all students.

It went much further, however.  I had defined each of the additional study group members.  For instance, Annie gave the appearance of being quiet and a “good” girl; instead Troy knew her when, in high school, she was hooked on pills and had to drop out (that was a shocker).  In addition, Pierce (Caucasian) was interested in Shirley (African American); I actually thought Pierce was reprimanding her at one point, instead the exact opposite was the case. There were numerous other assumptions, but it is safe to say that none of them were correct either. 

Since I did not know If my assumptions would have been correct if I had watched a show that I knew well, I decided to try it out.  I had refused to watch “Two and a Half Men” once they killed off Charlie Sheen; sorry, but I thought it was ridiculous.  In spite of this, I was familiar enough with the show to have an idea of the overall plot.  I watched the initial fifteen minutes without the sound and the remaining fifteen minutes with the sound.  Indeed, it was easier to obtain a sense of the plot, but the specifics were missing.  I missed some simple, minute details without the sound. 

As a result, I have begun to realize the impact of listening, which is vital to the communication.   I often make the mistake of hearing what I expect or hearing specific parts of discussion.  For me, the “aha” moment goes back to diversity and the idea of not pre-judging people before I have all of the facts.  Before the “older” students began to communicate, I had judged them based on their age and their attire.  This was an eye-opening experience!

A Master Communicator

My first BA is in Public Speaking and Communication.  Obviously, I took many, many public speaking classes.  My teachers taught public speaking and communication.  I never envisioned them as a public speaker or communicator.  Until, I had Dr. Loganbill as my professor.  Dr. Loganbill was a speaker and a communicator in addition to being an exceptional professor.  I learned so much from observing him.
Dr. Loganbill started every class with a story.  But, it was more than a story.  It was a powerful story that set the tone for our class.  Sometimes, the story lasted 5 minutes, and other times, it might only be a sentence… on rare special occasions, it was one powerful word.  His mannerisms and first sentence grabbed our attention.   There were never any side conversations.  No one came to class late.  Everyone was absorbed in his introduction.  Sometimes he spoke very softly; if you were paying attention, you might have lost the first few words.  Other times, he spoke in accents or with various characterizations. 
Dr. Loganbill never sat at his desk during class (unless he was listening to us present).  He walked amongst us.  He looked at us in the eye; his look never threatened us, but instead, when he looked at me, I felt that he really wanted me to learn.  Much of the time, he used gestures during his stories and his lectures.  He was totally involved and never seemed bored.  He was more than a professor, and yet, he wasn’t an actor.  He was, indeed, a communicator.  When Dr. Loganbill communicated with us, he listened.  In addition to listening, he heard every word we said, and he responded. 
Without a doubt, I would model my own communication behaviors after Dr. Loganbill.  In many ways, I hope that I do.  About three years ago, I presented my first early childhood workshop through my own company.  Following the workshop, I sent Dr. Loganbill a note explaining what I was doing with my life and the impact that his teachings had on my presentation.  It was about 20 years since I was in Dr. Loganbill’s class.  I received a lovely letter thanking me for sharing this instance with him.  He was still teaching at the college.  He mentioned a specific speech that I presented based on a Tennessee Williams’ story.  I could not believe that he remembered; I cried.
In four more years, he would celebrate his 40^th year teaching public speaking.  Dr. Loganbill passed away from cancer three years later.  I was so happy that I took the time to thank him.  Every time I begin a workshop with a “special” opening, I know that I have Dr. Loganbill to thank.  His enthusiasm in the classroom as a presenter, communicator, and educator will remain with me often.  I believe he understood his tremendous impact on his students.  I certainly hope so.  He was a master communicator!

Professional Hopes and Goals

 

“If I only knew then what I know now!”  Although I do know who initially put together those words, I will borrow them, because they express many of my feelings.  Without a doubt, as a result of my new-found knowledge on diversity and equity, I would have built very “different” relationships with my student’s families.  While our preschool welcomed children from various cultures, we did not take the time to value the cultures existent in our school.  In addition to making our families feel welcomed, this would have been a wonderful opportunity for a family to share their culture with the entire school.  Even though we did travel Around the World in preschool via a make-believe jet in our hallway, I never encouraged parents to join us. 

I hope to advocate to directors and teachers to take the time to get to know their children’s culture… talk to parents, question parents, talk to children, question children… listen to parents and children… and act upon their thoughts.  Bring their diverse backgrounds into your classroom; this requires more than a few books written in Spanish. 

My goal for the early childhood field is directly related to individual hope.  However, before teachers can fulfill my hope, they need to be educated.  Early childhood professionals must understand the importance of diversity… they must be willing to probe into their biases and stereotypes… stating that they are not biased is a cop-out; I know that first hand.  Just as we are pushing for early childhood educators to return to school and get a degree, a class in diversity and equity is mandatory.  It will enable early childhood professionals to welcome their children and their families in a whole new life; in the long run, children will grow in leaps and bounds, in environments where they feel safe and welcomed.  Parent involvement will result.

Without a doubt, this class has been eye-opening for me.  I have learned things about myself that I never knew existed… not all of which I am proud of.  I am a different person than when I began this class… I am proud of that.  I look at others differently, with respect and kindness.  Thank you to all of my colleagues for sharing this journey with me.  We have shared much through our discussions and blogs; I have shared information that I forgot existed.  Thank you for reading my discussions and for commenting; I take your thoughts and ideas to heart.  I look forward to continuing our travels together, and I value our support in each other.  I must add a special thank you to Erika, Rola, and Nancy for being there always. 

AND… Tammy, thank you for encouraging me to open-up in ways that I never imagined.  In addition, thank you for grading our papers in such a timely manner; it makes a huge difference.  Your suggestions of articles were amazing and really added to my learning.  Most importantly, however, I apologize for being the biggest pain by asking a zillion questions.  Your patience and quick responses encouraged me.  I hope that we keep in touch! 

Welcoming Families from Around the World

For approximately six months, I have been corresponding with a family from Denmark.  Approximately one week ago, it was confirmed that this family will be moving to Florida in approximately one month.  I am thrilled that Abbelone, their four-year-old daughter, will be attending our preschool.  Abbleone speaks Danish, and she learned a bit of Spanish and English in her current preschool.  Her parents speak Danish, Spanish, and English fluently.  I know that I can count on them to help Abbleone learn English and share Danish with her new class.

Here are a few ways that I will assure that Abbleone feels comfortable in her new school environment:
·        Excitedly, I shared information about Abbleone with Miss Alyssa and her prekindergarten class.  We located Denmark on a map, and together, we looked at pictures of Denmark on the computer.  As a class, we decided to send a letter to Abbleone in Denmark, welcoming her to our class.  Each child drew a picture of something special in our classroom. I asked them to share with Abbleone what they drew; I wrote their thoughts on the back of their picture. I believe their pictures will help Abbleone get adjusted to our class.  In addition, we sent Abbleone pictures of the children in our class; her mother sent us a picture of Abbleone on the computer!
·        The students have decided to make welcome pictures for Abbleone, so when she walks in, she will be surprised and welcomed.  I have added her name to a new cubbie and throughout the room.
·        I have invited my staff in to my office to discuss Abbleone’s arrival.  While my staff was a bit resistant, I assured them that all of the children in our school will benefit from Abbleone’s enrollment.  We will work together to teach Abbleone about Florida, and we will learn from Abbleone, and her family, and Denmark.  In addition, I shared some common Danish phrases with my staff; Abbleone’s new teacher suggested sharing these phrases with her students, which was a wonderful idea.
·        Since we looked at pictures of Denmark, and I knew the exact region where Abbleone came from, we added some of the pictures to her new classroom. 
·        I have discussed concerns that Abbleone’s parents may have.  Her mother is concerned that Abbleone may feel uncomfortable during lunch and snack time.  Although she wanted to come in during these times, we felt it was best that we work with Abbleone.  Her mother explained that Abbleone will not start eating until being told to, and she needs to be told specifically where to sit.  We agreed to work with Abbleone to make certain that she is comfortable eating.
·        Abbleone is used to shaking hands with her teacher on arrival and dismissal.  This will work fine in our school, because we have a 3-H rule.  Children can give their teacher a handshake, a high-five, or a hug.  Abbleone will be comfortable with a handshake!
·        I have asked Abbleone’s mother if she could share a few of Abbleone’s toys from Denmark with her new friends.  Her mother said that she would bring some toys, in addition to some books.  I was thrilled!

With the help of Abbleone’s mother, I believe that these preparations will help Abbleone feel comfortable in a new environment.  We have tried hard to bring a part of her Danish heritage into our classroom.  In addition, our research has made us knowledgeable of Denmark, which was an unknown entity to our young students and their teachers.  We are excited for Abbleone’s arrival, and hopefully, she can feel our comfort.

For us, sending Abbleone cards was very special.  The children drew pictures of areas in their classroom, explaining what they do in that area.  We hope that Abbleone’s parents will translate our cards.  The words of her new friends will give her an insight into her new classroom and some of the activities that fill our days.  The children will be very real to Abbleone, since she can see their pictures.

Without a doubt, if Abbleone and her parents feel comfortable with our school, the transition will be easier.  We have already opened up communication between her family and our school family; through our correspondence and preparation, Abbleone is already a part of us!

 

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppression

 When I was in college, being gay was not something that was discussed.  It was hidden.  It was almost like gay men had a disease of sorts.  I think that until I came face to face with the concept of being gay, I was close minded too; I did not understand this sexual choice.  I still don’t, but it doesn’t matter; I respect it.

In college, I became best friends with a singer, musician.  He lived in Las Vegas, and I visited on weekends.  I stayed at his house, played with his dogs, and ate his delicious cooking; I went to his shows and enjoyed his music.  We went to movies, shows, and just hung out.  I had no idea what-so-ever that he was gay.  When he finally told me, I had a decision to make.  In addition to being shocked, I questioned my association with a “gay” individual.  We talked opening about our feelings; we were both honest.  Either I accept him for who he is, or I lose one of the best friends ever.   His being gay did not change who he was; how could I be so biased?  Obviously, I accepted him, and we are still friends to this day.

However, not all of friends were so accepting.  One weekend, my friend and his partner were staying at my house.  We were going to Disneyland on Saturday with a group of my friends.  I remember it well, because I was celebrating my 21^st birthday.  There were quite a few of my college buddies, none of whom knew that my friend was gay.  It just did not matter. 

 

We met my friends at the entrance to the park.  I introduced all of my friends, and everything was wonderful.  I was so happy to be surrounded by so many awesome friends.  Then, out of the blue, my friend, Katie, told me that she figured out that my Vegas friend was gay, and she wanted to know what I was going to do about it.  I had no clue what I was to do about it.  I flipped out a bit, explaining that my “Vegas friend” had a name.  She acted as if these individuals were off limit, and without a doubt, she was uncomfortable.  I could not believe it, and to this day, I still am in disbelief that this happened.  Katie ended up leaving the park without any explanation to anyone; we had no idea (and still don’t) how she got home.  I never spoke to her again; I saw her around campus, but that was that.  There were no harsh words; she just did not want to be my friend (or hang out with my crowd) if I had a gay friend (or if they accepted my friend).

 

Remembering this gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes.  She missed out, though, not me.  I am just thankful I was able to accept my friend’s sexuality and embrace it.  Now, many, many, many, many years later, I still adore this individual; he is like a big brother to me… he is my son’s godfather… and I just wish we lived closer.  He’s gay, and I’m not; who cares? 

 

 

 

 

We met my friends at the entrance to the park.  I introduced all of my friends, and everything was wonderful.  I was so happy to be surrounded by so many awesome friends.  Then, out of the blue, my friend, Katie, told me that she figured out that my Vegas friend was gay, and she wanted to know what I was going to do about it.  I had no clue what I was to do about it.  I flipped out a bit, explaining that my “Vegas friend” had a name.  She acted as if these individuals were off limit, and without a doubt, she was uncomfortable.  I could not believe it, and to this day, I still am in disbelief that this happened.  Katie ended up leaving the park without any explanation to anyone; we had no idea (and still don’t) how she got home.  I never spoke to her again; I saw her around campus, but that was that.  There were no harsh words; she just did not want to be my friend (or hang out with my crowd) if I had a gay friend (or if they accepted my friend).

Remembering this gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes.  She missed out, though, not me.  I am just thankful I was able to accept my friend’s sexuality and embrace it.  Now, many, many, many, many years later, I still adore this individual; he is like a big brother to me… he is my son’s godfather… and I just wish we lived closer.  He’s gay, and I’m not; who cares? 

Practicing Awareness of Microaggressions

Prior to this week, I never heard of the term microaggression, and as a matter of fact, my spell check is probably not aware of the term either.  Now, the term is infested in my brain, and I am obsessed with looking for microaggressions in my life.

My example might be a bit far out, and yet, I like it.  Whenever I go to a restaurant and order a Coke or Pepsi, I’m always asked, “Would you like regular or diet?”  I admit that at times this simple questioned upset me.  Was the waiter insinuating that I am fat?  Did the waiter just assume because I’m not super skinny that I would want diet soda?  After all, if I wanted a diet Pepsi, I would have asked for it.  But, instead, I asked for a Pepsi, without the word diet anywhere in the equation.

As I thought about microaggressions, this incident began to drive me crazy.  So, I had to do it!  My husband and I went into Chile’s, and he ordered a Pepsi (considering that he only drinks unsweetened ice tea, I was most appreciative).  The waiter never questioned him.  Then, I told the waiter that I changed my mind, and I would have a Pepsi, too.  And, of course, the waiter asked me if I wanted a regular or diet.  I questioned his question.  His reply surprised me, although this was better than my perceptions of being fat.  He stated, “girls always want diet sodas.”  So, because I am a female, it is assumed that I wanted a diet drink.

I find myself “looking” for microaggressions… listening for them.  I am overwhelmed by the reality of their mere existence.  The world is filled with stereotypes, discrimination, and prejudices that I was totally unaware of.  I just feel the need to look at each person as an individual, realizing that they bring with them their own special social identities.  These social identities make them unique and special… perhaps it’s time to celebrate these differences.