Observing Communication

I went to the beach to read, and while it was not my intention, it proved to be the perfect setting for this week’s blog.  Since the wind, the sand, and the waves were blowing strongly, I was prepared to have the beach pretty much to myself.  It was in the 60’s, and in Florida, that is cold.  However, to my surprise, there were many people on the beach, including some brave young children in the ocean.  I plopped my chair down far away from the ocean where most people were situated.  I was content to read, highlight information, and breathe the sea air; in close proximity to me, it was quiet.  Then a mom placed her blanket extremely close to me (there were many miles of beach, but she chose a spot almost on top of me!).  Christopher (I heard the name a million times) was with her.  Mom quickly assured me that Christopher would not bother me, but she did not want him near the water; it was too cold (still lots of other alternatives on the beach!).  In spite of her assurance, Christopher and I became fast friends, smiling, and laughing.  My guess is that Christopher (not Chris) was 4 years old… maybe 5.

As I listened to the communication between Christopher and his mom, I am more convinced than ever that parents need to be trained how to listen and hear their children.  In the short time that I observed Christopher and his mother, I had to resist getting involved and offering advice; I wanted to invite mom to one of my parenting workshops.  She was trying.

Christopher and his mom were building in the sand.  There were buckets and shovels (enough for 4 children), but Christopher, obviously, preferred his hands.  Christopher (personal communication, March 20, 2013) told his mom that he was building a road for a car.  Then, Christopher picked up the red shovel and pretended it was a car.  Christopher (personal communication, March 20, 2013) told his mom that his car (shovel) was going really, really fast and was going 100 miles per hour.  I was pretty impressed that he knew the term “miles per hour,” but mom did not share my feelings.  Her frustration with Christopher’s creativity was obvious.  She informed Christopher (personal communication, March 20, 2013) that he was using a shovel and not a car.  (I believe that Christopher probably knew that!) 

In addition, mom (personal communication, March 20, 2013) asked Christopher a zillion (that’s more than a million) times to dig with the shovel instead of his hands.  The conversation continued along the same vein.  I wanted mom to step back and listen to Christopher.  Stephenson (2010) stated “stepping back means to relinquish your own agenda in order to hear other messages that often were not related to the questions that I had been considering” (p. 90).  Christopher’s mom did not hear his creativity or realize the importance of his play; she needed to understand the importance of listening... she was missing so much of her child’s growth.  In the media segment (Laureate Education, Inc., 2010), L. Kolbeck shared that in order for children to learn the art of communication, they have to feel listened to and seen.  I do not think that Christopher felt his creativity was valued. 

Obviously, I feel that Christopher’s mom needed to support his creativity.  It was the perfect opportunity for her to question Christopher about his car.  I was an outsider, and yet, I was fascinated by his play; I wanted to know where his car was traveling to. Christopher would have used his obviously great vocabulary to answer my questions. 

It goes without saying that I do not communicate with young children like this.  I love pretend play; it’s a part of everything that I believe in.  It encourages children to be children; hooray for Christopher!  I really like the creativity of pretend play.  Christopher and his mom, unexpectedly, reinforced the importance of my workshops.  Can you imagine if an early childhood professional insisted that a child use a shovel ONLY as a shovel?  Christopher was creative and inventive all wrapped up in one.  It would have been fun to write a book together about the adventures of his car.  Maybe, I could race him with another shovel (there were 3 others on the beach).  I wanted to be involved. I could have used Christopher’s excitement as a learning adventure.  That’s what early childhood educators must do every day in their classroom.

While I only read a few pages, Christopher and his mom will be a part of my blog forever.  I am glad that they believed the beach around me was the ideal place for a race track.  Looking back, I could not agree with them more.

 

References

Laureate Education, Inc. (Producer). (2010). “Communicating with Young Children” (Video webcast). Retrieved at https://class.waldenu.edu/webapps/portal/frameset.jsp?tab_tab_group_id=_2_1&url=%2Fwebapps%2Fblackboard%2Fexecute%2Flauncher%3Ftype%3DCourse%26id%3D_2652530_1%26url%3D
Stephenson, A. (2009). Conversations with a 2-year-old. YC: Young Children, 64(2), 90-95. Retrieved from the Walden Library using the Education Research Complete database. http://ezp.waldenulibrary.org/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=ehh&AN=37131016&site=ehost-live&scope=site