I Need Specifics! A Communication Challenge

This is a challenging blog assignment for me.  When I have a disagreement or conflict with someone, it is truly personal, and for the most part, I will bend over backwards to find a compromise or give in.  I do not like conflict.  I take it personally when someone is upset with me, although I am beginning to understand that it is alright if we agree to disagree.  I’ve also come to the reality that I cannot please everyone.

For the conflict that I chose to share, I have changed names… just because you never know who might read this blog.  

Months ago, I scheduled a workshop at a school in Florida.  The contract was signed, sealed, and delivered.  The only thing missing was the location and the amount of participants.  One month prior to the training, I reached out to the supervisor only to find out that a location was still being acquired, and the exact number of teachers would be determined based on the location.  It seemed like we were going in a circle with no end, but I was determined to be patient.  However, at two weeks prior to the workshop, I was informed that nothing has changed; the circle was not opening.

At that point, my patience had run its course.  Without a participant count, I could not prepare my supplies.  A count was critical; the location was not.  After speaking with the supervisor (AKA training director or consultant), I was informed that I need to remain patient, because she was doing the best she could.  Then, she went on to suggest that I plan for 50, and if there were 100, I could just add to the amount of supplies; at least, I was ahead of the game.  This was not a pretty circle anymore, because I began to take it personally, which I understand was not a great choice.  However, I resented her telling me what I need to do for my workshop, especially since so much of my art workshop is hands-on.  It is imperative to have a count; there is a huge difference between 50 and 100. 

To make a long story short, I found out 3 days prior to the workshop that there would be approximately 80 in attendance.  My husband and I crammed during this time to prepare, making certain we had enough materials for the workshop. 

This entire incident was, in fact, a huge learning experience for me, and after taking this course, I understand so much more.  Without a doubt, I needed to suggest a compromise.  I would prepare for a number of participants between 50 and 75, and that would be the cap for the workshop. 

Knowledge of Magda Gerber’s 3 R’s might have added a bit of sugar to this predicament.  This individual and I have built a relationship through a respectful, responsive, and reciprocal relationship.  I have presented numerous times for this group.  As an educator, I pride myself on my workshops, and I understand the huge amount of time needed to prepare.  I was not going to do anything but my best, and unfortunately 3 days prior was not respecting my time; in addition, she was not, in my opinion, responsive to my needs as a speaker. 

As an early childhood communicator, I learned that I need to be open and up-front.  While suggesting a compromise might have worked, I, also, could have been more specific.  I just presumed that the supervisor understood what went into presenting a quality workshop.  I was literally in disbelief that nothing was falling into place, especially with my workshop right around the corner.  Looking back, it would have helped tremendously if I explained the reason for needing a count of participants; this might have encouraged understanding.  Instead I became frustrated, adding to the supervisor’s obvious frustration, and our personalities were adding to the conflict.  This explanation would have built respect, encouraging a responsive answer; this would have gone a long way to build upon our reciprocal relationship! 

(I will add as a PS that I did ask a fellow colleague of mine what she would have done in a similar situation… she sparked up and said, “I would have cancelled!”)

Who am I as a Communicator?




NAEYC SQUISH-SQUASH OPEN-ENDED ART WORKSHOP



This assignment was fun and enlightening all wrapped up in one!  I learned much about myself, primarily from my own answers.  The responses from my husband, Stan, and my friend, Brett, were quite similar to my own.  The biggest difference, and it is only by one point, was on the Verbal Aggressiveness Scale, they scored me in the moderate category, and I placed myself in the significant category.  I believe that, at times, I cross the line, especially when I am passionate about something.  Perhaps, it is a good thing that others do not feel the same way about me as a communicator.  I certainly hope to attack facts, rather than the person. 

While reading the questions, my mind went in a million different directions.  I was forced to evaluate my own communication skills.  This is my first big ah-ha moment.  I learned that, following each workshop or class, I need to step back and openly evaluate my presentation.  I always ask Stan what he thought of a workshop.  In spite of the fact that he is extremely prejudiced in my favor, I have found him to be honest and up-front in his responses.  I have learned a lot from his perceptions of my workshops.  However, I somewhat understand the importance of looking at my workshops from my own perspective as both a communicator and an early childhood professional.  If I can learn to do this objectively, I will be able to learn from each communication situation that I am involved in.

The next insight that I gained is that I view my ability to communicate differently depending on the situation.  Prior to this activity, I just thought that I never felt uneasy talking or sharing ideas.  Yet, after thinking about the situations presented, I am more at ease speaking as a presenter, rather than an intimate situation with a few people.  I found this extremely interesting.  I feel less at ease in a small group situation, where I do not know most of the people.  When I mentioned this to Stan and Brett, they did not agree; in spite this, it is true!  For some reason, I feel that I am able to reach everyone in a large group, rather than a small group.  This sounds contradictory, and yet, the more I think about it, the more reality it has for me. 

Communicating Among Different Groups & Cultures

During our prior class, I have come to the realization that, growing up, I was sheltered from diversity.  For me, I find it interesting to reflect on cultural diversity, from a different perspective.

Two years ago, I became a reading partner, and I was assigned a school in my area.  I actually requested this particular school, because I knew many of the teachers; they had attended my workshops.  My excitement dwindled quickly, as I was faced with my own culture shock.  Probably, for the first time in my life, being Caucasian equated to the minority.  In this school, I would say that 95% of the staff and students are African American, Hispanic, or Haitian.  Whether it was realistic or not, I felt that everyone (and I mean everyone!) was staring at me. 

When I entered the classroom, the teachers were speaking English and Spanish.  I noticed that the teachers spoke Spanish amongst themselves, hoping that the children did not understand what they were saying.  I will never forget one time when a teacher told another teacher, right in front of me, don’t forget that Miss Lois doesn’t understand us.  I will never forget those words… what did they mean?  Did it mean that I do not understand the language or the person?  I felt very alienated and upset.  I tended to do my job, rather than confronting a teacher, even with a question.

Looking back, there are several strategies that could have been employed immediately, eliminating the feeling of uneasiness.  Beebe, Beebe, and Richmond (2011) stated “we communicate effectively and appropriately when we can connect to others based on what we hold in common” (p. 103).  In spite of our differences, we shared a mutual connection based on the students in this school.  We were both working to make a difference in the lives of these young children.  “With regard to cultural differences, to be mindful is to acknowledge that there is a connection between thoughts and deeds when you interact with a person’s background different from your own” (Beebe, et al., 2011, p. 103).  Perhaps, instead of limiting my conversation, it would have been beneficial to extend my conversation, talking about the children and the activities that we would be sharing.  I could have questioned the teachers on what they were doing in the classroom, so collectively, we could bring the two programs together.  This is what ultimately has occurred, but it took almost a year.

In addition, every time that I went into the classroom, I felt like the teachers were talking down to me, demonstrating no respect.  There was never a smile or a “good morning.”  It was like they knew what I wanted, so they just told the child to go with me.  According to Beebe, et al. (2011), “people hold stereotypical views of others based on other’s perceived age.  Older adults don’t like to patronized and younger people value social support, empathetic listening, and being mentored” (p. 91).  Looking back, I tend to agree with this.  Perhaps, the younger teachers were inhibited or uncomfortable with the fact that I was older and more experienced than they are.  Once I began to share activities with them, they began to open up to me.  Now, in many ways, I have become a mentor.  Again, if, at the beginning, I would have shared with the teachers encouraging their participation in our reading program, they would have been involved from the beginning; instead, the alienation continued.

Finally, this job and our last class, has taught me the importance of empathizing with others.  I was self-focused on fitting in.  Vuckovic (2008) stated “it is difficult to gather information about the other person is we are consumed with thoughts of ourselves; we need to accept that there are differences between individuals and cultures” (p. 53).  Ultimately, I stepped back and looked at life in the teachers’ lives and classrooms through their eyes, rather than my own perspectives.  I was able to empathize with their challenges and celebrate their accomplishments.  My viewpoint was no longer marginalized.

Working in this amazing environment has taught me so much about the reality of the world.  I have learned to respect the cultures of others.  I understand the importance of valuing this diversity.  None of this, however, would not have been accomplished without advancing my communication skills, and at the same time, the communication skills of the staff.

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon. 

Vuckovic, A. (2008). Inter-cultural communication: A foundation of communicative action. Multicultural Education and Technology Journal, 2(1), 47–59.

Communicating, With and Without Sound

  

My son was quite willing to give me a video of one of his favorite television series, Community.  I had never heard of the television show, Community, so the impact of this assignment was quite intense.  The episode that I watched was the show’s pilot.  Initially, when I watched the episode without sound, I believed that I knew exactly what was happening.  The show’s plot was easy to follow.  The problem, obviously, was that my interpretation of what was happening (without sound) was totally different from the show’s writers. 

I made quite a few assumptions, none of which were correct.  First of all, I had determined that Jeff, Pierce, and Shirley were teachers at the school; they were older and dressed professionally.  When they were sitting at a table with younger students, I made the assumption that the teachers were helping their students.  However, all of the individuals, who joined together in a study group, were students.  Some of the older individual had been in school previously, but for whatever reason, they were all students at this college. 

At one point, Jeff (a suspended lawyer who lied about having a college degree) went into Dunkin’s office.  Dunkin was sitting behind a desk in his office, and he obviously knew Jeff.  I supposed that they were two teachers talking.  Instead, Jeff actually represented Dunkin in a law case, and he wanted Dunkin’s assistance in passing college.  

It was, however, obvious that Jeff was interested in Britta (Brit), who was a 28 year old in his Spanish class.   As I watched the show without sound, I was unaware that Brit and Jeff knew each other; I thought they were meeting for the first time.    In addition, it was interesting to watch the characters interact in their study group, seated around a long table; of course, I was not even aware that they were all students.

It went much further, however.  I had defined each of the additional study group members.  For instance, Annie gave the appearance of being quiet and a “good” girl; instead Troy knew her when, in high school, she was hooked on pills and had to drop out (that was a shocker).  In addition, Pierce (Caucasian) was interested in Shirley (African American); I actually thought Pierce was reprimanding her at one point, instead the exact opposite was the case. There were numerous other assumptions, but it is safe to say that none of them were correct either. 

Since I did not know If my assumptions would have been correct if I had watched a show that I knew well, I decided to try it out.  I had refused to watch “Two and a Half Men” once they killed off Charlie Sheen; sorry, but I thought it was ridiculous.  In spite of this, I was familiar enough with the show to have an idea of the overall plot.  I watched the initial fifteen minutes without the sound and the remaining fifteen minutes with the sound.  Indeed, it was easier to obtain a sense of the plot, but the specifics were missing.  I missed some simple, minute details without the sound. 

As a result, I have begun to realize the impact of listening, which is vital to the communication.   I often make the mistake of hearing what I expect or hearing specific parts of discussion.  For me, the “aha” moment goes back to diversity and the idea of not pre-judging people before I have all of the facts.  Before the “older” students began to communicate, I had judged them based on their age and their attire.  This was an eye-opening experience!

A Master Communicator

My first BA is in Public Speaking and Communication.  Obviously, I took many, many public speaking classes.  My teachers taught public speaking and communication.  I never envisioned them as a public speaker or communicator.  Until, I had Dr. Loganbill as my professor.  Dr. Loganbill was a speaker and a communicator in addition to being an exceptional professor.  I learned so much from observing him.
Dr. Loganbill started every class with a story.  But, it was more than a story.  It was a powerful story that set the tone for our class.  Sometimes, the story lasted 5 minutes, and other times, it might only be a sentence… on rare special occasions, it was one powerful word.  His mannerisms and first sentence grabbed our attention.   There were never any side conversations.  No one came to class late.  Everyone was absorbed in his introduction.  Sometimes he spoke very softly; if you were paying attention, you might have lost the first few words.  Other times, he spoke in accents or with various characterizations. 
Dr. Loganbill never sat at his desk during class (unless he was listening to us present).  He walked amongst us.  He looked at us in the eye; his look never threatened us, but instead, when he looked at me, I felt that he really wanted me to learn.  Much of the time, he used gestures during his stories and his lectures.  He was totally involved and never seemed bored.  He was more than a professor, and yet, he wasn’t an actor.  He was, indeed, a communicator.  When Dr. Loganbill communicated with us, he listened.  In addition to listening, he heard every word we said, and he responded. 
Without a doubt, I would model my own communication behaviors after Dr. Loganbill.  In many ways, I hope that I do.  About three years ago, I presented my first early childhood workshop through my own company.  Following the workshop, I sent Dr. Loganbill a note explaining what I was doing with my life and the impact that his teachings had on my presentation.  It was about 20 years since I was in Dr. Loganbill’s class.  I received a lovely letter thanking me for sharing this instance with him.  He was still teaching at the college.  He mentioned a specific speech that I presented based on a Tennessee Williams’ story.  I could not believe that he remembered; I cried.
In four more years, he would celebrate his 40^th year teaching public speaking.  Dr. Loganbill passed away from cancer three years later.  I was so happy that I took the time to thank him.  Every time I begin a workshop with a “special” opening, I know that I have Dr. Loganbill to thank.  His enthusiasm in the classroom as a presenter, communicator, and educator will remain with me often.  I believe he understood his tremendous impact on his students.  I certainly hope so.  He was a master communicator!