Practicing Awareness of Microaggressions

Prior to this week, I never heard of the term microaggression, and as a matter of fact, my spell check is probably not aware of the term either.  Now, the term is infested in my brain, and I am obsessed with looking for microaggressions in my life.

My example might be a bit far out, and yet, I like it.  Whenever I go to a restaurant and order a Coke or Pepsi, I’m always asked, “Would you like regular or diet?”  I admit that at times this simple questioned upset me.  Was the waiter insinuating that I am fat?  Did the waiter just assume because I’m not super skinny that I would want diet soda?  After all, if I wanted a diet Pepsi, I would have asked for it.  But, instead, I asked for a Pepsi, without the word diet anywhere in the equation.

As I thought about microaggressions, this incident began to drive me crazy.  So, I had to do it!  My husband and I went into Chile’s, and he ordered a Pepsi (considering that he only drinks unsweetened ice tea, I was most appreciative).  The waiter never questioned him.  Then, I told the waiter that I changed my mind, and I would have a Pepsi, too.  And, of course, the waiter asked me if I wanted a regular or diet.  I questioned his question.  His reply surprised me, although this was better than my perceptions of being fat.  He stated, “girls always want diet sodas.”  So, because I am a female, it is assumed that I wanted a diet drink.

I find myself “looking” for microaggressions… listening for them.  I am overwhelmed by the reality of their mere existence.  The world is filled with stereotypes, discrimination, and prejudices that I was totally unaware of.  I just feel the need to look at each person as an individual, realizing that they bring with them their own special social identities.  These social identities make them unique and special… perhaps it’s time to celebrate these differences.

 

Perspectives on Diversity and Culture

I chose to speak with Suzanne, a colleague and friend from FLAEYC, a VPK teacher who is African American, Miss Teresa, and Stan, my husband.  I chose these three individuals for their diversity, in addition to the fact that I expected their answers to be detailed (I was, obviously, wrong!).  Each of them seemed to ponder when questioned, reflecting of the difficultly of defining each term.  Miss Teresa and Stan both defined culture in regards to surface culture, mentioning religion, and nationality.  On the other hand, Suzanne looked a bit deeper, mentioning that culture was everything that defines a person, country, or group, including surrounding environments, philosophy, and objects. 
        Each of the individuals questioned defined diversity in regards to differences.  Suzanne mentioned that it was a classification by attributes.  Miss Teresa never really defined the term, but instead, she told me that her school was very diverse.  When I asked her way, she said that the children in her classroom come from many diverse families.  To Stan, diversity is what makes us different.

What aspects of culture and diversity that I have studied in this course are included in the answers I received ---- and what are some examples.  From the video this week, I remember that J. Gonzales-Mena defined diversity as a benefit.  After our studies thus far, I am slowly beginning to see true value in Gonzales-Mena’s definition.  I have written it in my own journal; it makes sense.  However, I do not know if either Miss Teresa or Stan looks at diversity as a benefit.  Perhaps for Suzanne, the differences in attributes are benefits, but I did not ask any additional questions; obviously, I cannot speak for her.  I was hoping that one of these individuals would have mentioned the value of diversity and how important it is to respect, and value, diversity.

What aspects have been omitted ---- and what are some examples of such omission?  Due to the impact of this course, when thinking about culture or diversity, I think about social identities.  The listing of social identities goes way beyond race and religion.  All three individuals seemed to miss the impact of many of these identities.  Without a doubt, I will be discussing social identities around the dinner table! 

In what ways has thinking about other people’s definitions of culture and diversity influenced my own thinking about these topics?  Asking these specific questions reconfirmed what I already knew.  Many individuals have limited definitions of culture and diversity.  It is imperative that we spread the word. 

CULTURE
Suzanne: it’s hard to define.  Culture is everything that defines a person, country, group.  It would include the surrounding environment, philosophy, actions, objects.
Stan: It’s our race and religion. 
Miss Teresa: Our religion and what color we are.

DIVERSITY

Suzanne: any type of difference in people, geography, objects.  A classification of them by attributes.

Stan: what makes us different from every one.
Miss Teresa: my classroom is about as diverse as it gets. 

My Family Culture

            The first item that I would take with me is a picture that I have of my mom, my dad, and me.  I was about 3 ½ years old, and I was sitting with them on the front porch step of our home in Philadelphia.  The picture is in my bedroom drawer, tucked away in a manila envelope.  It is in black and white; the edges are frayed, but it brings back memories.  I remember sitting on the step often talking with neighbors or eating ice cream from the corner store.  I remember running down the steps to greet my dad after work or running up the steps to greet my mom after school.  The picture brings back many memories.

            I lost my mom to a stroke about a year and a half ago.  She lived with me for almost 22 years.  She was my rock, my best friend, my mom, and the best anmom (grandmom) ever; this assignment made me wonder if, indeed, she was aware of how much she meant to us.  My dad passed away when I was 16 years old.  I remember dancing with him at my Sweet 16 party.  I remember surprising my parents for their 24^th wedding anniversary, about 6 months before he died of cancer.  I remember my dad building a desk for my sister and I in our basement.  I remember his hugs.  I do not remember his face; I wish my memories were more vivid.

            The second item was a bit more difficult.  Initially, I wanted to take my engagement/wedding ring, but I am going under the assumption that I am wearing them.  So, instead, I would take a pile of cards that Stan (my husband) sent me before our marriage (or at the very beginning of our marriage).  Currently, these cards are secured in my drawer with a rubber-band.  Each card held great meaning to me (they still do), but Stan went a step further.  On each card, he wrote one or two thoughts of his feelings for me or the life that we would share.  While this may sound corny, his words written over 28 years ago still hold just as much value for me today (maybe even more).

            Finally, for my third item, I would take the box of pictures under my bed of Adam growing up.  Some pictures are in albums and some of just floating in the box, but the box would count as 1 item.  Adam is an only child, and I would give my life for him in a minute; he gave my life a meaning that I never knew existed.  Stan and I tried to do everything possible to assure that Adam had the “perfect” childhood.  Although there are things we would do differently, we shared some amazing times together… many of which are captured in the pictures that are in the box.  So, even though I need to leave my country, I still have memories of the life we had together; they may hold a bitter sweet memory, but at least, the pictures would serve as visual memories.

              NOW… if I can only bring one of the three items, I would, without a doubt, bring the picture of my mom, dad, and me.  This was a no-brainer.  After all, Stan and Adam would, thankfully, be with me. Perhaps, I could put this picture and the cards in the box with Adam’s pictures, and then, I would be bringing only one item… the box, which would be filled to capacity.

            This blog made me think, really think.  For me, my past family culture does not seem as important as my current family culture.  In a way, this caused a bit of sadness, but for me, it is reality.  As I was growing up, I was privy to many family mishaps, and to this day, I still wonder how family could literally take what was not theirs, while hurting a whole lot of people in the process.  At one time, I thought that I wanted to live in a fairytale land where everyone was nice, but now, after thinking about this (and thinking some more), I realize that I just wanted my family to have what was theirs.  I just never imagined that family members could lie or cheat one another.  It hurts to think that these are people who I spent so much time with growing up and loved. 

            The items that I chose represent my own little family of my hubby and son.  We might be small, but we share a whole lot of love and respect.  I would not hurt them for the world; as a matter of fact, I would give up everything I have for them.  Each item that I choose represents them, but being able to leave my home with them would make everything a whole lot easier.