Who am I as a Communicator?




NAEYC SQUISH-SQUASH OPEN-ENDED ART WORKSHOP



This assignment was fun and enlightening all wrapped up in one!  I learned much about myself, primarily from my own answers.  The responses from my husband, Stan, and my friend, Brett, were quite similar to my own.  The biggest difference, and it is only by one point, was on the Verbal Aggressiveness Scale, they scored me in the moderate category, and I placed myself in the significant category.  I believe that, at times, I cross the line, especially when I am passionate about something.  Perhaps, it is a good thing that others do not feel the same way about me as a communicator.  I certainly hope to attack facts, rather than the person. 

While reading the questions, my mind went in a million different directions.  I was forced to evaluate my own communication skills.  This is my first big ah-ha moment.  I learned that, following each workshop or class, I need to step back and openly evaluate my presentation.  I always ask Stan what he thought of a workshop.  In spite of the fact that he is extremely prejudiced in my favor, I have found him to be honest and up-front in his responses.  I have learned a lot from his perceptions of my workshops.  However, I somewhat understand the importance of looking at my workshops from my own perspective as both a communicator and an early childhood professional.  If I can learn to do this objectively, I will be able to learn from each communication situation that I am involved in.

The next insight that I gained is that I view my ability to communicate differently depending on the situation.  Prior to this activity, I just thought that I never felt uneasy talking or sharing ideas.  Yet, after thinking about the situations presented, I am more at ease speaking as a presenter, rather than an intimate situation with a few people.  I found this extremely interesting.  I feel less at ease in a small group situation, where I do not know most of the people.  When I mentioned this to Stan and Brett, they did not agree; in spite this, it is true!  For some reason, I feel that I am able to reach everyone in a large group, rather than a small group.  This sounds contradictory, and yet, the more I think about it, the more reality it has for me. 

Communicating Among Different Groups & Cultures

During our prior class, I have come to the realization that, growing up, I was sheltered from diversity.  For me, I find it interesting to reflect on cultural diversity, from a different perspective.

Two years ago, I became a reading partner, and I was assigned a school in my area.  I actually requested this particular school, because I knew many of the teachers; they had attended my workshops.  My excitement dwindled quickly, as I was faced with my own culture shock.  Probably, for the first time in my life, being Caucasian equated to the minority.  In this school, I would say that 95% of the staff and students are African American, Hispanic, or Haitian.  Whether it was realistic or not, I felt that everyone (and I mean everyone!) was staring at me. 

When I entered the classroom, the teachers were speaking English and Spanish.  I noticed that the teachers spoke Spanish amongst themselves, hoping that the children did not understand what they were saying.  I will never forget one time when a teacher told another teacher, right in front of me, don’t forget that Miss Lois doesn’t understand us.  I will never forget those words… what did they mean?  Did it mean that I do not understand the language or the person?  I felt very alienated and upset.  I tended to do my job, rather than confronting a teacher, even with a question.

Looking back, there are several strategies that could have been employed immediately, eliminating the feeling of uneasiness.  Beebe, Beebe, and Richmond (2011) stated “we communicate effectively and appropriately when we can connect to others based on what we hold in common” (p. 103).  In spite of our differences, we shared a mutual connection based on the students in this school.  We were both working to make a difference in the lives of these young children.  “With regard to cultural differences, to be mindful is to acknowledge that there is a connection between thoughts and deeds when you interact with a person’s background different from your own” (Beebe, et al., 2011, p. 103).  Perhaps, instead of limiting my conversation, it would have been beneficial to extend my conversation, talking about the children and the activities that we would be sharing.  I could have questioned the teachers on what they were doing in the classroom, so collectively, we could bring the two programs together.  This is what ultimately has occurred, but it took almost a year.

In addition, every time that I went into the classroom, I felt like the teachers were talking down to me, demonstrating no respect.  There was never a smile or a “good morning.”  It was like they knew what I wanted, so they just told the child to go with me.  According to Beebe, et al. (2011), “people hold stereotypical views of others based on other’s perceived age.  Older adults don’t like to patronized and younger people value social support, empathetic listening, and being mentored” (p. 91).  Looking back, I tend to agree with this.  Perhaps, the younger teachers were inhibited or uncomfortable with the fact that I was older and more experienced than they are.  Once I began to share activities with them, they began to open up to me.  Now, in many ways, I have become a mentor.  Again, if, at the beginning, I would have shared with the teachers encouraging their participation in our reading program, they would have been involved from the beginning; instead, the alienation continued.

Finally, this job and our last class, has taught me the importance of empathizing with others.  I was self-focused on fitting in.  Vuckovic (2008) stated “it is difficult to gather information about the other person is we are consumed with thoughts of ourselves; we need to accept that there are differences between individuals and cultures” (p. 53).  Ultimately, I stepped back and looked at life in the teachers’ lives and classrooms through their eyes, rather than my own perspectives.  I was able to empathize with their challenges and celebrate their accomplishments.  My viewpoint was no longer marginalized.

Working in this amazing environment has taught me so much about the reality of the world.  I have learned to respect the cultures of others.  I understand the importance of valuing this diversity.  None of this, however, would not have been accomplished without advancing my communication skills, and at the same time, the communication skills of the staff.

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon. 

Vuckovic, A. (2008). Inter-cultural communication: A foundation of communicative action. Multicultural Education and Technology Journal, 2(1), 47–59.

Communicating, With and Without Sound

  

My son was quite willing to give me a video of one of his favorite television series, Community.  I had never heard of the television show, Community, so the impact of this assignment was quite intense.  The episode that I watched was the show’s pilot.  Initially, when I watched the episode without sound, I believed that I knew exactly what was happening.  The show’s plot was easy to follow.  The problem, obviously, was that my interpretation of what was happening (without sound) was totally different from the show’s writers. 

I made quite a few assumptions, none of which were correct.  First of all, I had determined that Jeff, Pierce, and Shirley were teachers at the school; they were older and dressed professionally.  When they were sitting at a table with younger students, I made the assumption that the teachers were helping their students.  However, all of the individuals, who joined together in a study group, were students.  Some of the older individual had been in school previously, but for whatever reason, they were all students at this college. 

At one point, Jeff (a suspended lawyer who lied about having a college degree) went into Dunkin’s office.  Dunkin was sitting behind a desk in his office, and he obviously knew Jeff.  I supposed that they were two teachers talking.  Instead, Jeff actually represented Dunkin in a law case, and he wanted Dunkin’s assistance in passing college.  

It was, however, obvious that Jeff was interested in Britta (Brit), who was a 28 year old in his Spanish class.   As I watched the show without sound, I was unaware that Brit and Jeff knew each other; I thought they were meeting for the first time.    In addition, it was interesting to watch the characters interact in their study group, seated around a long table; of course, I was not even aware that they were all students.

It went much further, however.  I had defined each of the additional study group members.  For instance, Annie gave the appearance of being quiet and a “good” girl; instead Troy knew her when, in high school, she was hooked on pills and had to drop out (that was a shocker).  In addition, Pierce (Caucasian) was interested in Shirley (African American); I actually thought Pierce was reprimanding her at one point, instead the exact opposite was the case. There were numerous other assumptions, but it is safe to say that none of them were correct either. 

Since I did not know If my assumptions would have been correct if I had watched a show that I knew well, I decided to try it out.  I had refused to watch “Two and a Half Men” once they killed off Charlie Sheen; sorry, but I thought it was ridiculous.  In spite of this, I was familiar enough with the show to have an idea of the overall plot.  I watched the initial fifteen minutes without the sound and the remaining fifteen minutes with the sound.  Indeed, it was easier to obtain a sense of the plot, but the specifics were missing.  I missed some simple, minute details without the sound. 

As a result, I have begun to realize the impact of listening, which is vital to the communication.   I often make the mistake of hearing what I expect or hearing specific parts of discussion.  For me, the “aha” moment goes back to diversity and the idea of not pre-judging people before I have all of the facts.  Before the “older” students began to communicate, I had judged them based on their age and their attire.  This was an eye-opening experience!

A Master Communicator

My first BA is in Public Speaking and Communication.  Obviously, I took many, many public speaking classes.  My teachers taught public speaking and communication.  I never envisioned them as a public speaker or communicator.  Until, I had Dr. Loganbill as my professor.  Dr. Loganbill was a speaker and a communicator in addition to being an exceptional professor.  I learned so much from observing him.
Dr. Loganbill started every class with a story.  But, it was more than a story.  It was a powerful story that set the tone for our class.  Sometimes, the story lasted 5 minutes, and other times, it might only be a sentence… on rare special occasions, it was one powerful word.  His mannerisms and first sentence grabbed our attention.   There were never any side conversations.  No one came to class late.  Everyone was absorbed in his introduction.  Sometimes he spoke very softly; if you were paying attention, you might have lost the first few words.  Other times, he spoke in accents or with various characterizations. 
Dr. Loganbill never sat at his desk during class (unless he was listening to us present).  He walked amongst us.  He looked at us in the eye; his look never threatened us, but instead, when he looked at me, I felt that he really wanted me to learn.  Much of the time, he used gestures during his stories and his lectures.  He was totally involved and never seemed bored.  He was more than a professor, and yet, he wasn’t an actor.  He was, indeed, a communicator.  When Dr. Loganbill communicated with us, he listened.  In addition to listening, he heard every word we said, and he responded. 
Without a doubt, I would model my own communication behaviors after Dr. Loganbill.  In many ways, I hope that I do.  About three years ago, I presented my first early childhood workshop through my own company.  Following the workshop, I sent Dr. Loganbill a note explaining what I was doing with my life and the impact that his teachings had on my presentation.  It was about 20 years since I was in Dr. Loganbill’s class.  I received a lovely letter thanking me for sharing this instance with him.  He was still teaching at the college.  He mentioned a specific speech that I presented based on a Tennessee Williams’ story.  I could not believe that he remembered; I cried.
In four more years, he would celebrate his 40^th year teaching public speaking.  Dr. Loganbill passed away from cancer three years later.  I was so happy that I took the time to thank him.  Every time I begin a workshop with a “special” opening, I know that I have Dr. Loganbill to thank.  His enthusiasm in the classroom as a presenter, communicator, and educator will remain with me often.  I believe he understood his tremendous impact on his students.  I certainly hope so.  He was a master communicator!

Professional Hopes and Goals

 

“If I only knew then what I know now!”  Although I do know who initially put together those words, I will borrow them, because they express many of my feelings.  Without a doubt, as a result of my new-found knowledge on diversity and equity, I would have built very “different” relationships with my student’s families.  While our preschool welcomed children from various cultures, we did not take the time to value the cultures existent in our school.  In addition to making our families feel welcomed, this would have been a wonderful opportunity for a family to share their culture with the entire school.  Even though we did travel Around the World in preschool via a make-believe jet in our hallway, I never encouraged parents to join us. 

I hope to advocate to directors and teachers to take the time to get to know their children’s culture… talk to parents, question parents, talk to children, question children… listen to parents and children… and act upon their thoughts.  Bring their diverse backgrounds into your classroom; this requires more than a few books written in Spanish. 

My goal for the early childhood field is directly related to individual hope.  However, before teachers can fulfill my hope, they need to be educated.  Early childhood professionals must understand the importance of diversity… they must be willing to probe into their biases and stereotypes… stating that they are not biased is a cop-out; I know that first hand.  Just as we are pushing for early childhood educators to return to school and get a degree, a class in diversity and equity is mandatory.  It will enable early childhood professionals to welcome their children and their families in a whole new life; in the long run, children will grow in leaps and bounds, in environments where they feel safe and welcomed.  Parent involvement will result.

Without a doubt, this class has been eye-opening for me.  I have learned things about myself that I never knew existed… not all of which I am proud of.  I am a different person than when I began this class… I am proud of that.  I look at others differently, with respect and kindness.  Thank you to all of my colleagues for sharing this journey with me.  We have shared much through our discussions and blogs; I have shared information that I forgot existed.  Thank you for reading my discussions and for commenting; I take your thoughts and ideas to heart.  I look forward to continuing our travels together, and I value our support in each other.  I must add a special thank you to Erika, Rola, and Nancy for being there always. 

AND… Tammy, thank you for encouraging me to open-up in ways that I never imagined.  In addition, thank you for grading our papers in such a timely manner; it makes a huge difference.  Your suggestions of articles were amazing and really added to my learning.  Most importantly, however, I apologize for being the biggest pain by asking a zillion questions.  Your patience and quick responses encouraged me.  I hope that we keep in touch! 

Welcoming Families from Around the World

For approximately six months, I have been corresponding with a family from Denmark.  Approximately one week ago, it was confirmed that this family will be moving to Florida in approximately one month.  I am thrilled that Abbelone, their four-year-old daughter, will be attending our preschool.  Abbleone speaks Danish, and she learned a bit of Spanish and English in her current preschool.  Her parents speak Danish, Spanish, and English fluently.  I know that I can count on them to help Abbleone learn English and share Danish with her new class.

Here are a few ways that I will assure that Abbleone feels comfortable in her new school environment:
·        Excitedly, I shared information about Abbleone with Miss Alyssa and her prekindergarten class.  We located Denmark on a map, and together, we looked at pictures of Denmark on the computer.  As a class, we decided to send a letter to Abbleone in Denmark, welcoming her to our class.  Each child drew a picture of something special in our classroom. I asked them to share with Abbleone what they drew; I wrote their thoughts on the back of their picture. I believe their pictures will help Abbleone get adjusted to our class.  In addition, we sent Abbleone pictures of the children in our class; her mother sent us a picture of Abbleone on the computer!
·        The students have decided to make welcome pictures for Abbleone, so when she walks in, she will be surprised and welcomed.  I have added her name to a new cubbie and throughout the room.
·        I have invited my staff in to my office to discuss Abbleone’s arrival.  While my staff was a bit resistant, I assured them that all of the children in our school will benefit from Abbleone’s enrollment.  We will work together to teach Abbleone about Florida, and we will learn from Abbleone, and her family, and Denmark.  In addition, I shared some common Danish phrases with my staff; Abbleone’s new teacher suggested sharing these phrases with her students, which was a wonderful idea.
·        Since we looked at pictures of Denmark, and I knew the exact region where Abbleone came from, we added some of the pictures to her new classroom. 
·        I have discussed concerns that Abbleone’s parents may have.  Her mother is concerned that Abbleone may feel uncomfortable during lunch and snack time.  Although she wanted to come in during these times, we felt it was best that we work with Abbleone.  Her mother explained that Abbleone will not start eating until being told to, and she needs to be told specifically where to sit.  We agreed to work with Abbleone to make certain that she is comfortable eating.
·        Abbleone is used to shaking hands with her teacher on arrival and dismissal.  This will work fine in our school, because we have a 3-H rule.  Children can give their teacher a handshake, a high-five, or a hug.  Abbleone will be comfortable with a handshake!
·        I have asked Abbleone’s mother if she could share a few of Abbleone’s toys from Denmark with her new friends.  Her mother said that she would bring some toys, in addition to some books.  I was thrilled!

With the help of Abbleone’s mother, I believe that these preparations will help Abbleone feel comfortable in a new environment.  We have tried hard to bring a part of her Danish heritage into our classroom.  In addition, our research has made us knowledgeable of Denmark, which was an unknown entity to our young students and their teachers.  We are excited for Abbleone’s arrival, and hopefully, she can feel our comfort.

For us, sending Abbleone cards was very special.  The children drew pictures of areas in their classroom, explaining what they do in that area.  We hope that Abbleone’s parents will translate our cards.  The words of her new friends will give her an insight into her new classroom and some of the activities that fill our days.  The children will be very real to Abbleone, since she can see their pictures.

Without a doubt, if Abbleone and her parents feel comfortable with our school, the transition will be easier.  We have already opened up communication between her family and our school family; through our correspondence and preparation, Abbleone is already a part of us!

 

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppression

 When I was in college, being gay was not something that was discussed.  It was hidden.  It was almost like gay men had a disease of sorts.  I think that until I came face to face with the concept of being gay, I was close minded too; I did not understand this sexual choice.  I still don’t, but it doesn’t matter; I respect it.

In college, I became best friends with a singer, musician.  He lived in Las Vegas, and I visited on weekends.  I stayed at his house, played with his dogs, and ate his delicious cooking; I went to his shows and enjoyed his music.  We went to movies, shows, and just hung out.  I had no idea what-so-ever that he was gay.  When he finally told me, I had a decision to make.  In addition to being shocked, I questioned my association with a “gay” individual.  We talked opening about our feelings; we were both honest.  Either I accept him for who he is, or I lose one of the best friends ever.   His being gay did not change who he was; how could I be so biased?  Obviously, I accepted him, and we are still friends to this day.

However, not all of friends were so accepting.  One weekend, my friend and his partner were staying at my house.  We were going to Disneyland on Saturday with a group of my friends.  I remember it well, because I was celebrating my 21^st birthday.  There were quite a few of my college buddies, none of whom knew that my friend was gay.  It just did not matter. 

 

We met my friends at the entrance to the park.  I introduced all of my friends, and everything was wonderful.  I was so happy to be surrounded by so many awesome friends.  Then, out of the blue, my friend, Katie, told me that she figured out that my Vegas friend was gay, and she wanted to know what I was going to do about it.  I had no clue what I was to do about it.  I flipped out a bit, explaining that my “Vegas friend” had a name.  She acted as if these individuals were off limit, and without a doubt, she was uncomfortable.  I could not believe it, and to this day, I still am in disbelief that this happened.  Katie ended up leaving the park without any explanation to anyone; we had no idea (and still don’t) how she got home.  I never spoke to her again; I saw her around campus, but that was that.  There were no harsh words; she just did not want to be my friend (or hang out with my crowd) if I had a gay friend (or if they accepted my friend).

 

Remembering this gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes.  She missed out, though, not me.  I am just thankful I was able to accept my friend’s sexuality and embrace it.  Now, many, many, many, many years later, I still adore this individual; he is like a big brother to me… he is my son’s godfather… and I just wish we lived closer.  He’s gay, and I’m not; who cares? 

 

 

 

 

We met my friends at the entrance to the park.  I introduced all of my friends, and everything was wonderful.  I was so happy to be surrounded by so many awesome friends.  Then, out of the blue, my friend, Katie, told me that she figured out that my Vegas friend was gay, and she wanted to know what I was going to do about it.  I had no clue what I was to do about it.  I flipped out a bit, explaining that my “Vegas friend” had a name.  She acted as if these individuals were off limit, and without a doubt, she was uncomfortable.  I could not believe it, and to this day, I still am in disbelief that this happened.  Katie ended up leaving the park without any explanation to anyone; we had no idea (and still don’t) how she got home.  I never spoke to her again; I saw her around campus, but that was that.  There were no harsh words; she just did not want to be my friend (or hang out with my crowd) if I had a gay friend (or if they accepted my friend).

Remembering this gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes.  She missed out, though, not me.  I am just thankful I was able to accept my friend’s sexuality and embrace it.  Now, many, many, many, many years later, I still adore this individual; he is like a big brother to me… he is my son’s godfather… and I just wish we lived closer.  He’s gay, and I’m not; who cares?